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All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up
Imagine my surprise when I saw that there is a movie in development that has a cycling theme. And no it’s not the Lance Armstrong bio-pic with Matt Damon that we have all been breathlessly waiting for. The movie’s synopsis is, “Reeling with grief in the wake of a tragic automobile accident, retired veteran cyclist, Chris Carmik, is given an opportunity he doesn’t want, to train a rookie cycling prodigy. Preoccupied with battling his own inner demons, Chris reluctantly acclimates the prodigy, named Jake, to the fast paced world of Bicycle Racing.
Using cutting edge technology and scientific training methods, Chris transforms Jake into a top contending cyclist; however, he struggles to teach Jake the most important lesson prominent in all champions – finding the true potential inside.
Filled with spectacular race scenes through some of the most treacherous courses on the East Coast of the United States,
MAX V02 is a powerfully moving and compelling drama that examines the heart and soul of a true champion.”
So who says doping scandals are bad for the sport?! They are looking for cyclist/actors, so it’s time to dust off that headshot and send it in. I think my slightly balding, beady-eyed and uneven nostril look may be exactly what they need as a funny side kick or evil villain. And like the main character, I am also wrestling with inner demons! Did I mention that I can also dance? I also bear a striking resemblance to George Hincapie. Check my Waffle House Chronicles for my acting chops. I’m perfect for any role.
Extreme close-up. I almost have a uni-brow.
Looking serious and introspective.
That’s right, Tim is drop dead good looking as well!
Sir:- we here @ Wheelsucker Productions received your resume & glossies…you are seriously being considered for the part…however let’s look @ what we have to work with here…we’ll start from the the top..
…that’s what weaves or even transplants are for, so no real problem…
…lasik eye surgery can probably correct that slight “wonky” look, so we’re good there…
…surprisingly you’ve never considered a ‘nose job’ on your own, but w/ a matching chin reconstruction, i can’t imagine any problems in that direction…
…it might even be beneficial to surgically pull the ears back, but maybe we’ll just always shoot you in a helmet…you know, dedicated to the bike @ all times…that kinda thing…
…our make-up techs can do wonders w/ what you’re giving us to work with…
…several layers of ‘tight’ lycra & creative camera angles should take care of that stomach area…
…a little airbrush work on those calves could make them look ‘cut’ & give you that ‘cyclists’ look…honestly, it will work…
…now as far as actually ‘riding’, well, that’s what stunt doubles are for…i’m sure you understand, we want this to look real to the public…having spoken w/ some of your co-workers @ the magazine, there seems to be an all round consensus as to this being a good idea…
…again, now this goes back to the magazine…you’ve been praised for your acting abilities by none other than your boss who said you’ve fooling him w/ your ‘act’ for a while now…
…anyway, at this stage of development, everything looks solid…
…my people will be in touch w/ your people…
always sincerely,
X________________
…To Whom It May Concern:- Please inform Neil Browne that my last post was ALL a joke…I am worried that Mr. Browne is (A) sobbing quietly in the corner w/ his old Campagnolo parts, or (B) paying good money to have a ‘working girl’ boost his self-esteem as we speak…
…My concern runs to the extent of my using more CAPITAL LETTERS in this post than I’ve utilized for years, to show my DEPTH of SINCERITY & CONVICTION…
…Although, I still can’t get over my fascination w/ three…period…beginnings & endings…
…Mr. Browne, I am not affiliated w/ the movie & there will be no part in VO MAX2 for you & anyway it looks to be an MTB thingy…In the future, please remember, you do work for “ROAD MAGAZINE” & do a damn fine job…
…Stay ON it, keep pedaling & ciao…
…sincerely,
‘bikesgonewild’
Neil/Tim, I just got the new issue yesterday, best cover shot yet and double points for being having trek buy the back cover space to help complete the covershot. I have never seen that done before! I really have to hand it to you, the magazine just gets better and better with every issue. Awesome job, keep it up!
I cant tell if you are being sarcastic about the quality of Waffle House foods. Here at Waffle House, we strive to bring wholesome comfort food at a fair price to our customers. To see you buffoons making a mockery of our fine establishment and of my wife/sister Morningstar, makes me want to hurl… and I had biscuits and gravy.
BTW: Anyone that says ‘superlative’ and ‘cornucopia’ in the same paragraph must be a communist.
PS: Can I get Pam’s number, never know when I might need a job in Berkley.