Let’s face it, Floyd Landis has changed his story a couple of times these past years. It’s ranged from, “I didn’t take drugs” to, “Okay I did – fuck all of you!” All the while we keep waiting for another salacious article to drop hoping to satisfy our endless thirst for drama and intrigue. Well I’ve decided to eliminate the wait for the next shoe to drop. I’ve created my own Floyd Landis Doping Mad Libs. Just add your own word where it is bolded and presto – another brand new, jaw dropping story!
And like Floyd told me, maybe your story will be better than his and you’ll see it in the Wall Street Journal.
This Mad Lib was created from text from Landis’ actual e-mail that was leaked regarding the 2002 Tour de France. I’ve got plenty of more e-mails where this came from so this game can go on for quite awhile.
I was instructed on how to use [drug] by [sports coach] during the during the [bike race] in June, after which I flew on a [vehicle] with [famous athlete] from the finish, I believe Grenoble, to [European city] at which point I was personally handed a box of 2.5 mg [drug] in front of his [significant other] who witnessed the exchange. About a week later, Doctor [name of a car company] performed an extraction of half a liter of [fluid] to be transfused back into me during the [bike race]. [Famous athlete] was not witness to the extraction but he and I had lengthy discussions about it on our [adjective] rides during which time he also explained to me the evolution of [drug] testing and how transfusions were now necessary due to the inconvenience of the new test. [Famous athlete] also divulged to me at that time that in the first year that the [drug] test was used he had been told by Doctor [name of car company], who had access to the new test, that he should not use [drug] anymore but he did not believe [famous doctor] and continued to use it. He later, while winning the [bike race], the month before the Tour de [European country], tested positive for [drug] at which point he and [name of a coach] flew to the [sports federation] headquarters and made a financial agreement with Mr. [German name] to keep the positive test hidden.