Floyd Landis interview – the whole truth and nothing but
Articulate, crazy, bi-polar, and annoying (!!!) are all words that have been used to describe Floyd Landis. Recently the former Tour de France winner traveled to Australia as a guest of an anti-doping conference. Officials and some riders were upset thinking that Landis’ presence at the conference would overshadow the World Championships. However Alberto Contador’s urine sample declared positive for clenbuterol was and continues to be the story. Meanwhile, Landis has quietly sat back and granted just a few brief interviews to the media as well as any squirrel that wanders into his backyard. Browne Eye Media was able to break into his Fortress of Solitude to answer a few hard hitting questions – what scares him, how he actually intends to raise money and the possibility of a social media blitz.
Browne Eye Media: ESPN’s Bonnie Ford noted that you had a Dr Suess book on a table. You’ve mentioned in our own past interviews some books you have read. Are there any new books on the Landis’ bookshelf?
Floyd Landis: I’m afraid of books.
Browne Eye Media: How did you meet Ms Ford and invite her to the shack?
Landis: She wasn’t invited. I ran into Ms Ford as I was washing her car and selling some towels I had jimmy’d with a coat hanger from the towel machine.
Browne Eye Media: In the background of your ESPN video there seems to be a forest. Is that the golf course, the landscape behind the car wash or a freeway underpass?
Landis: That’s something they added, I was in front of a green screen. I thought it would just be some kind of a Dr Seuss theme but I guess the “professionals” at ESPN had a better idea. I get very upset when someone photoshops my pictures just like Lance does and I’m in the process of trying to retain the Master of Disaster.
Browne Eye Media: You are going to use your Floyd Landis website as a site to replay donors. Can we expect other features on the site (pictures, blog….)?
Browne Eye Media: To pay back donors will you be putting in extra shifts at the car wash or do some extra sign holding gigs at various golf courses?
Landis: I’ve since been banned from the Professional Sign Holders Association because of an anti-oxidant violation which I radically deny was in my organism. I tried sneaking onto the miniature golf course beside the carwash with a cardboard sign I had made but the manager threw out because it is only for “customers” according to him. Whatever that means.
Browne Eye Media: When can we expect a Facebook page so we can “Friend” you or add you to a Group?
Landis: I don’t understand the question?
Browne Eye Media: When you have to give a public statement you actually seem articulate. How heavily medicated are you during those brief moments?
Landis: Usually I do one or two transfusions just before an interview. Dealing with the out-of-competition nonsense by the PSHA has made it hard to use the good stuff. Also I eat a lot of plastic and keep the receipts.
Browne Eye Media: Does the common tree squirrel make for a good house pet or are they just for eating?
Landis: Well they can be temperamental but they don’t ask about Facebook or other books… Why are you always asking about books? There’s more to life than just books you know. This interview is over.