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Floyd Landis – wire tapper and terrorist corgi trainer

The corgi - nature's most perfect killing machine

Reports from the New York Daily News is that Floyd Landis wore a wire tap to ensnare Michael Ball, owner of Rock Racing cycling team. The video shows footage of growth hormones in Ball’s apartment refrigerator. This led to Ball’s apartment being raided and the drugs confiscated. As of now no charges against Ball have been made public. This is not the only video footage regarding Landis. Browne Eye Media has exclusive film of Landis teaching a dog techniques to attack cyclists.

In the video Landis can be plainly seen instructing a corgi known as The Beazed to attack. Other videos show the corgi attacking and severely damaging the type of water bottles used by cyclists. But why use a corgi as an attack dog and what can Landis’ plan be once the stout animal is fully trained?

A little background is necessary on the breed called the corgi. This short legged dog is a member of the herding group and is the choice for the Queen of England. The reason? While cute and adorable the corgi can be easily trained to kill. The corgis’ teeth, when enraged, actually lengthen from the gum line making them killing machines. The short legs might seem to be a limiter, however their hindquarters are quite strong enabling them to jump several meters straight into the air. This vertical reach allows them to use their sharp teeth to rip out the necks of unsuspecting victims. Ranked one of the top 10 smartest dogs they have the ability to understand a complex plan and if necessary make adjustments to ensure completion. They are reported to have a rudimentary understanding of Windows 7 as well.

It’s evident that a corgi is nature’s most perfect killing machine but what is Landis’ plan? I can only speculate but from looking at the videos Landis seems to be running some type of corgi terrorist camp in the mountains of Southern California and is training them to attack bike racers! Can you imagine the damage done to cycling if a pack of enraged corgis attacked a peloton and ate their water bottles? Bike races would have to be canceled as dehydration would spread through the pack like fleas in July.

The corgi's teeth are perfectly designed for shredding water bottles

I contacted Landis’ publicist and he would neither confirm or deny that Landis has in fact established a secret corgi terrorist camp.

While Michael Ball and several other high profile cyclists are being investigated lets not forget so easily Floyd Landis’ evil abilities. He’s a suspected computer hacker, wire tap wearer and corgi trainer – the perfect trifecta for a trained assassin. These combined abilities are a real threat to not only cycling but to our American way of life.

12 Responses to “Floyd Landis – wire tapper and terrorist corgi trainer”

  1. neilroad December 20, 2010 at 11:36 pm #

    Breaking Landis news – wire tapper & terrorist corgi trainer? I have the video to prove it http://neilbrowne.com/2010/12/floyd-land

    • jeffvolkmer December 20, 2010 at 11:47 pm #

      @neilroad As Peter Parker is to Spiderman, @neilroad is to Floyd Landis, except they are different, or are they?

      • neilroad December 20, 2010 at 11:52 pm #

        @jeffvolkmer That sounds like an SAT question.

        • jeffvolkmer December 20, 2010 at 11:56 pm #

          @neilroad See you’re avoiding the question…both dope, both blame things on alcohol, both have never been seen together…

          • neilroad December 20, 2010 at 11:58 pm #

            @jeffvolkmer What… I can’t hear you…your Twitter is breaking up…

      • neilroad December 20, 2010 at 11:52 pm #

        @jeffvolkmer That sounds like an SAT question.

        • jeffvolkmer December 20, 2010 at 11:56 pm #

          @neilroad See you’re avoiding the question…both dope, both blame things on alcohol, both have never been seen together…

    • sarcastitom December 21, 2010 at 12:29 am #

      @neilroad You should re-edit those videos with O Fortuna as the soundtrack. That would be so awesome.

    • mcr1photo December 21, 2010 at 1:46 pm #

      @neilroad how do you get these exclusives???

  2. Pat December 24, 2010 at 12:58 pm #

    Hilarious!!

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