Next thing you know it’s raining dildos

I love stupid comedies. One of my favorites – right up there with Idiocracy – is The Goods. Near the end of the movie the main character Don Ready describes how he accidentally killed his best friend car salesman/DJ McDermott. It’s one of the best scenes in the movie.

Right about now I bet Lance Armstrong is saying. “I wish I could say I didn’t think it would end this way! But I got to tell you, I always knew it would! Falling to my death, dressed as Abe Lincoln, holding a big, purple dildo!”

Well maybe not verbatim, but he knew it must have been coming. There was ultimately no way to avoid it any longer. More and more witnesses. More and more accusations of UCI cover-ups. The USADA report was dropping and it looked like it was going to char the cycling landscape.

But as his Tour de France titles were stripped, Armstrong suited up in a Speedo and raced triathlons like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“Oh Christ – the dildo is back!”

Yep, the federal case might have been dropped but USADA kept coming no matter how hard Armstrong’s attorneys tried.

“I gotta get away from this dildo!” But really there is no getting away from the dildo. He could swat it away, but it would float back, poking him in the face.

So here we are – maybe a day or more away from a rumored 200 page document from USADA that’s their own CEO Travis Tygart says is “30 times greater than everything that has come out until now, through books or investigations” Yep, it looks like it’s going to be raining dildos for a while longer…


  1. Mark _D says:

    I call these kind of movies, “hang-over movies”. I’ll shamefully admit, I own enough of them. And with every creative bone in my body I never would have thought of the purple dildo analogy they way you put it. Well done. I’m remotely upset with myself for not reading this sooner.

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