Way to kill my buzz Dad!

I’m driving up the 5 freeway on my way to the Hansen Dam cyclocross race. It’s the only ‘cross race in California that has UCI points on the line, so I figure I can race the Masters category and expense everything by claiming that I had to be up there to take photos and interviews. So I’m getting into my race frame of mind. I got the Scion factory stereo pumping with The Crystal Method and looking to tear legs off when my cell comes to life. The caller ID is a recognizable European number. It was my parents. They live in England and had been in Greece for three weeks on holiday, so I haven’t spoken to them for awhile. I tap my headset, “Hey Dad.”

“I just got the new issue of ROAD. Did you gain weight? You look fat!”

Quick background on my Dad; he’s an Irish ex-low level pro cyclist. When I was growing up he would give me crap about my weight if he thought I was gaining too much. I never did, it’s just not in the Browne gene pool. We’re like greyhounds: skinny, high-strung and like to nap frequently. However in classic Irish manner, he likes to bust balls given the opportunity.

“No Dad!” But now I’m thinking to myself, “Have I gained weight?”

“Well, how much do you weigh now?”

“I’m 176 pounds, about 80 kilo.” I sometimes have to break it down to him in metrics.

Then he tells me, “And your 6’2.”

“Yes Dad!” Now this is irritating because I’ve been 6’2” for over 20 years. At this moment I know he is busting balls.

A pause, then, “Hmmm….Okay.”

The photo he is referring to is the Standpoint photo that was taken in Greenville the day before the US Pro race. I was heavier by about five pounds, but I swear, that photo makes me look a lot heavier. So as I am driving to the race, my mind is now obsessing on the fact people will see that photo of me and think I am heavy! So just to clear the air; I’m at 176 and dropping. I’m running four days a week, doing Pilates five days a week and riding at least four times a week. Oh, and I’m also a neurotic mess! So Noel, if you are reading this, I need about an hour of psychological therapy. Get my number from Slover…


  1. blue squirrel says:

    [hum waffles, must be cross season]
    waffle house update; Monday, October 22, 2007

    ATLANTA — Kid Rock was arrested early Sunday after a brawl at a restaurant and spent about 12 hours in jail before being released, police said.

    The musician stopped at the Waffle House restaurant shortly after 5 a.m. after his performance at The Tabernacle in Atlanta, authorities said.

    “He and five members of his entourage were involved in a fight with a male customer inside the Waffle House,” said Mekka Parish, a spokeswoman for the DeKalb County Police Department.

    The customer recognized a female with Kid Rock’s party and exchanged words with her, Parish said.

    rest of the story:

  2. Anonymous says:

    an hour? yuh.

    tell your dad you’ve got manorexia and need 150 bucks a week for a couple of years to get into recovery because its his fault.

    you know that whole descartes, ‘i think therefore i am’ bit? its really, ‘ i can make my adult child miserable, therefore i am’. parents are the axis of evil.

    cheap fix, read the drama of the gifted child by alice miller and stop setting fires… you pyro.


  3. Neil@ROAD says:

    I think I might have manorexia. I am fully blaming my parents for any and all issues I have. I will also promise to stop setting fires…Thanks Noel!

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